You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
