thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
