If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
