Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
