I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
