i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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