got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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