Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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