Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
