I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
