Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
