some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
