I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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