can we get nightvision for the apartment?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
