Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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