I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
