how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
