Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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