You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
