The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
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i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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