if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
