this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
