You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
