I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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