Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
