I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
