Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
