did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize