someone get that fucking seahorse.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
