i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
