I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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