Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
