I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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