I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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