I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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