I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
and she was petting her beer can
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
