You're a womanizer and a bitch.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
