My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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