Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
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I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
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Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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