her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
