I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
