dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
