She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
