honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
