I want you more than these girls want KFC
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
