why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
