I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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