she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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