she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
