take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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