And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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