I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
