3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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