you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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