party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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