he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
tonight lets celebrate not being married
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
