It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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