we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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