wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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