I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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