she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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