he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
