dude i'm inner monologue high
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
