I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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