Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize