We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
