not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
