i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
