I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
