I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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