I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
even my farts smell like vagina
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You pole danced in your parka.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
