if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
