if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
