Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
