I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
